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Topic: Bancuri si glumitze sa ne mai descretzim fruntzile

  1. #1
    Senior Member DanutzaZpr's Avatar
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    Talking Bancuri si glumitze sa ne mai descretzim fruntzile



    Ahoy, ahoy,

    Pai daca vorbim de toate probleme existente, ma gandesc ca ar fi bine sa avem si o rubrica "de tot rasul"Glume cu si despre marinari, dar nu neaparat...

    Sper sa prinda si sa aiba cele mai multe posturi

    A zis cineva ca daca nu radem murim, nu-mi amitesc cine...dar inclin sa cred ca are dreptate

    Asa ca sa purcedem:

    I: De ce este Mos Craciun fericit?
    R: Pentru ca stie unde stau fetele rele!

    Si inca unul si va mai las si pe voi

    Un marinar statea de vb cu un pirat la un pahar de rom. Marinarul curios vroia sa afle cum a obtinut piratul picorul de lemn, mana carlig si cum a ramas fara ochi.
    Acesta incepe sa povesteasca...
    -Ehe, au fost multe aventuri...spre exemplu picorul l-am pierdut astfel. Dupa ce am pierdut vasul nostru intr-o batalie, eu eram pierdut pe mare de vreo saptamana, plutind pe o pluta, chiar in moemntul cand m-au salvat, mi-a mancat piciorul un rechin.
    -Vai cat ghinion...
    - Da, asta nu e nimic, mana am pierdut-o intr-o lupta cand incercam sa cucerim un alt vas...
    -Dar asta nu e ghinion, e bravism...
    -Nu am terminat, dupa ce s-a terminat lupta, unul din piratii mei, prea beat fiind, nu a realizat ca s-a terminat lupta si mi-a taiat o mana..
    -Da, curat ghinion, si ochiul?
    - Pai ala e din cauza unui albatros...
    -Cum asa?
    - Pai si-a facut nevoile pe fatza mea...
    - Pai dintr-atat nu-ti pierzi ochiul...
    - Ba da, daca e prima zi de cand ai carlig, in loc de mana

    Cam atat pt. azi zi buna si vant prielnic in tot ce intreprindeti!
    navigare necesarum est!!!!

  2. #2
    Senior Member Vali's Avatar
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    Default

    Tare Dana . Uite un banc despre deltoizi:

    Bula si Strul la un chef in Delta pe un ponton dormitor. Bula se baga la mancare, Strul bea tot ce gaseste. Strul se imbata ca porcu' si adoarme pe o banca la pupa. De atata mancare, lui Bula ii vine sa se ..., dar la singura buda scrie "defect". Ce sa faca Bula? Se duce la Strul, ii da pantalonii jos si se usureaza in pantalonii lui Strul.
    A doua zi dimineata, Strul vorbea singur: "Asta se poate, asta se poate, da asta nu se poate!"
    Intreaba Bula: Ce tot indrugi acolo, bai nebunule?
    Strul, nimic, o tinea pe a lui: "Asta se poate, asta se poate, da asta nu se poate!"
    Bula: Bah, imi spui odata ce vrei sa zici?
    Strul: Bai Bula, sa ma fi imbatat ca porcu - se poate, sa ma fi kk pe mine -se poate, da' sa ma kk intre izmene si pantaloni, asta chiar ca nu se poate!!!
    forum www.capcompas.ro , comunicare pertinenta in domeniul nautic

  3. #3

    Default

    O nava de razboi vede in 20 grade babord o lumina.
    Ofiterul radio ia legatura
    - Aici ofiterul X modificati de drum 20 grade babord
    - Aici sergent Vasilica luati voi 20 de grade babord
    Stupoare maxima, intervine ofiterul de cart
    -Aici ofiterul de cart Y luati drum 20 grade babord.
    _Aici sergent Vasilica luati voi 20 de grade babord
    Toata lumea din comanda inmarmurita, il anunta pe comandantul navei despre situatia aparuta, vine comandantul la statie
    - Aici amiral Z comandantul navei de razboi XX e ultima somatie sa luati 20 de grade babord
    -Aici sergent vasilica, servantul farului, luati voi 20 de grade babord. ))))))))))))))

  4. #4
    Senior Member DanutzaZpr's Avatar
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    Default inca unul

    Abia primit

    -Tata, cum am am aparut eu pe lume??
    - Baah fiule, cred ca intr-o zi tot ai sa afli! Hai sa-ti spun pe limba ta. Pai, eu si cu maica-ta intr-o zi am intrat intr-o camera de chat a Yahoo-ului. Am aranjat apoi o intilnire via e-mail cu maica-ta si ne-am intilnit intr-un internet cafe virtual. Ne-am strecurat intr-o camera privata, unde maica-ta a fost de acord cu un download din hard-ul meu. Imediat ce eram gata de upload, am descoperit ca nici unul dintre noi nu folosise firewall-ul si fiindca deja era prea tirziu sa dam delete, noua luni mai tirziu a aparut un mic popup care a tipat din toti rarunchi:
    - You`ve Got Mail !!!!
    navigare necesarum est!!!!

  5. #5

    Default De-ale lui Murphy

    Letter to head office

    Dear Sir,

    It is with regret and haste that I write this letter to you. Regret that such a small misunderstanding could lead to the following circumstances and haste in order that you will get this report before you form your own preconceived opinions from reports in the world press, for I am sure that they will tend to overdramatise the affair.

    We had just picked up the pilot and the cadet had return from changing the "G" flag for the "H" and being his first trip was having difficulty in rolling the "G" flag up, I therefore proceeded to show him how, coming to the last part I told him to "let go". The lad, altough willing is not too bright, necessitating my having to repeat the order in a sharper tone.

    At this moment the Chief Officer appeared from the Chart Room having been plotting the vessels' progress, and thinking that it was the anchors that were being referred to repeated the "let go" to the Third Officer on the forecastle. The port anchor, having been cleared away but not walked out, was promptly let go. The effect of letting the anchor drop from the "pipe" while the vessel was proceeding at full harbour speed proved too much for the windlass brake, and the entire lenght of port chain was pulled out "by the roots". I fear that the damage to the chain locker may be extensive. The braking effect of the port anchor naturally caused the vessel to sheer in that direction right towards the swing bridge that spans a tributary to the river up which we were proceeding.

    The swing bridge operator showed great presence of mind by opening the bridge for my vessel Unfortunately he did not think to stop the vehicular traffic. The result being that the bridge partly opened and deposited a Ford, two cyclists and a cattle truck on the foredeck. Some of my crew are at present rounding up the contents ot the latter which from the noise I would say were pigs. In his efforts to stop the progress of the vessel, the Third Officer dropped the starboard anchor. Too late to be of any practical use for it fell on the swing oprators' control cabin.

    After the port anchor was let go and the vessel started to sheer I gave a double ring Full Astern on the Engine Room telegraph and personally rang the Engine Room to order maximum astern revolutions. I was informed that the sea water temperature was 53 degrees Celsius and asked if there was a movie tonight My reply would not act constructively to this report.

    Up to now I have confined my report to the activities at the forward end of my vessel. Down aft they were having their own problems. At the moment the port anchor was let go, the Second Officer was supervising the making fast of the after tug and was lowering the ships' towing spring line down onto the tug. The sudden braking effect on the port anchor caused the tug to "run in under" the stern of my vessel just at the moment when the propeller was answering my double ring Full Astern. The prompt action of the Second Officer in securing the inboard end of the towing spring delayed the sinking of the tug by some minutes allowing the safe abandon of that vessel.

    It is strange but at the very same moment of letting go the port anchor, there was a black-out ashore. The fact that we were passing over a "cable area" at that time may suggest that we may have touched something on the river bed. It is perhaps lucky that the high tension cables brought down by the foremast were not live, possible being repalced by the underwater cable, but owning to the shore black-out it is impossible to say where the pylon fell.

    It never fails to amaze me the actions and the behaviour of foreigners during the moments of minor crisis. The pilot for instance, is at this moment huddled in the corner of my day cabin, alternately crooning to himself and crying after having consumed a bottle of gin in a time that is worthy of inclusion in the Guinness Book of Records. The tug Captain on the other hand, reacted violently and had to forcible be restrained by the Steward who has him handcuffed in the ships' hospital where he is telling me to do impossible things with my ship and my person.

    I enclose the names and addresses of the drivers and the insurance companies of the vehicles on my foredeck which the Third Officer collected after his somewhat hurried evacuation of the forecastle. These particulars will enable you to claim for the damage that they did to the railings of number one hold.

    I am enclosing this preliminary report for I am finding it difficult to concentrate with the sound of police sirens and their flashing lights.

    It is sad to think that had the cadet realized that there is no need to fly pilot flags after dark, none of this would have happened.

    For weekly Accountability Report I will asign the following Casualty Numbers: T/750101 to 750199 inclusive.

    Yours truly,

    MASTER

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  7. #6

    Default

    Anul trecut, pe vremea aceasta rādeam cu lacrimi de următorul colind: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYwiD...eature=related

    Merry Christmas, infidels!
    'Nu toţi rătăcitorii sunt nefericiţi' J.R.R.Tolkien

  8. #7

    Default

    "Anul trecut, pe vremea aceasta rādeam cu lacrimi de următorul colind: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYwiD...eature=related

    Merry Christmas, infidels!"


    inceputul este blasefemist dar sfirsitul... jingle bombs... jingle bombs...este hazliu; in loc de scufia lui Mos Craciun mai bine o folosea pe aceea a lui Osama bin London

    Merry Christmas preafidels!

  9. #8
    Senior Member DanutzaZpr's Avatar
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    Default de vazut filmuletzul, cu sunet

    am gasit zilele trecute filmuletul asta, ca tot vine revul mi s-a parut monumental ))

    http://monoranu.ro/2008/12/01/hostwa...a-de-revelion/

    fatza tipului e mai mult decat expresiva

    navigare necesarum est!!!!

  10. #9
    Mic barcaholic Smokey's Avatar
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    Din seria "don't try this at home"
    http://koti.mbnet.fi/~soldier/towboat.htm
    călătorului īi stă bine cu drumul

  11. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smokey View Post
    Din seria "don't try this at home"
    http://koti.mbnet.fi/~soldier/towboat.htm
    Incredibilă aventură!
    Din aceeaşi categorie, următoarea: http://www.metacafe.com/watch/489803...t_v_big_ankor/
    'Nu toţi rătăcitorii sunt nefericiţi' J.R.R.Tolkien

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